All of them.

I look back at my old blogs.
All of my toiling, questioning, confusion, dreaming, frustration, learning, questioning (oh wait I said that one already).....

It all makes complete sense now.
So much that it's humorous.

Funny in the context that I kick myself and say, "Oh you silly. why were you worrying so much about this? Why wouldn't God give you the most amazing human being?"

All just because He loves me.
And ultimately to get His glory.
And He funna get it.



Cause He is the most best God.

South Carolina.

This place.

I understand that our environment isn't what makes us happy.

But it does.

And I think a healthy amount of that is ok.

And at the present moment, I am the MOST happy.

God uses this place to speak to me. And to bring me peace. And to make me feel loved.

So loved.

And I have my best friend with me this time to share the joy.

And I have the most awesome man with me to make me feel like the prettiest lady.

I am the most excited about this new adventure. And although I have resided here before, this new season will be a shmorgusborg of different experiences, callings, failures, successes, places, people and revelations of who God is.

Excite.

Skip town.

We've all seen an abandoned house. The paints chipping, there's water stains, the grass takes over the yard and there is just an overall unkempt face to it. And if you have ever been in a house such as this one, there is a deafening silence to the space. The only word that to me really describes that sound and the feeling you get is death.

Wow this blog just turned slightly morbid, but I'm going to roll with it.

I wonder what goes through the mind of a person/family that decides to abandon their house. At what point does ones brain, heart and soul decide that it just isn't worth it anymore?

And look at the end result of their decision; a sadly empty box made of four walls and a roof.

I'll just be real honest here. I had a moment, or rather a couple of moments today where my thoughts reached a place where abandoning this mission, this town, this community, these people.... sounded relieving. Relieving in the sense that because abandonment feels like the only option, if I were to actually do that, there would come the familiar sigh of, "Ahhh... at least it's over, and there's nothing I can do about it now."

Houses are a lot of work to keep up. Sacrifices have to be made and time and energy needs to be poured into it so that it can not only function the way it needs to (i.e. the plumbing), but also that it can be a home. A warm place for the occupants to be themselves and live authentically. If anyone can testify to the truth of that, it's my mother. Maybe I'll have her guest blog on this one day. I think it would be a genuine read.

Now I know that if I were to just pick up and leave, the Davenport world would not be shaken. But I am apart of something bigger, and what I do has impact; maybe big, maybe small. And so skipping town.... would that cause a piece of that something that I am apart of to just....die?

Because as I said at the beginning, death is the only way I can describe the feeling of an abandoned house. Or really, an abandoned anything.

I mean, what if Jesus abandoned earth and beamed himself back up to heaven and said, "Forget it, I can't do this anymore."

We would be dead.

I'm going to leave it at that for now.

duh.

Have you ever been bored?

And in that time when you were bored you sat and just started spazzing around?

And then from that spazzing around comes something absolutely astounding?

And that absolutely astounding something completely shocks your face off?

Because...... it came from you?

And you're not sure how?

Because you didn't realize that you had such inventive, out-of-the-box, non-formulaic creativity just waiting to pop it's little head out and say "Hey there" with a big goofy grin like it's been there since day 1?





That just happened to me.
And it has been there.
Since day 1.
Since the beginning of all absolutely astounding somethings.


And all this time...... all I needed to do was


JUST

BE

ME.



oh. oh yea.

S- to the -aturday.

Today is SUCH the Saturday.

Don'tcha just love it?

The sun shines a little bit brighter. There's a nostalgic smell in the air, which for me is a medium breeze with a hint of ocean saltiness. Ohhh man, especially in the morning.

(Don't ask me how I am able to smell that in Central Florida - it's a mystery to me too. Perhaps its my super hero sense of smell)

I would love nothing more than to be with my mom right now in the good ol' 305, running errands and eating a whopper with cheese from burger king (it would have to be Miami in 1994 for this to be awesome). And then going with my dad to the Scuba shop on US1 so that he can fill up his tanks and I can play with the little yellow one in the front window.


I think Saturday is my favorite day of the week. So even though I can't do all of the above, I am going to make this day great.

There's a fantastic amount of creativity that's been waiting to burst out of me lately. I've decided I will put this day to good use and do what I was made to do.




I'm not aware of many activities more rewarding than doing just that.